1. |
||||
(Spoken)
Baby, baby
Can’t you see
That the reaper, the reaper is coming for me
Locked the windows, locked the doors
But in the morning, I ain’t gonna be here no more
Baby, baby I can’t stay
I know that I’ve sinned
And now I’ve got a price to pay
I changed our name and I changed our locks
But I gotta go when the reaper talks
****
There’s a braid attached at every root
I’m gonna cut each one just to get away from you
The earth will turn an autumn red
I’ll walk away shorn and proud
This is contraband, this doesn’t sit right
It feels like lying still on a summer’s night
The sweat on my skin lets my body do the screeching
Hurricanes and lukewarm soup
These are the things I think of when I think of you
Insect wings and brittle bones
These are the things I think of
when I’m left alone
I go slowly you went quick
Mama pushed you down the river in her favorite basket
And I can’t stand still
But I can’t stop waiting
You’re just a little boy stuffed into grown bones
Playing with the world until your mama calls you home
I wonder if you’ve ever had a single good night of sleep
So you make yourself a paper crown,
it won’t keep
It crumples to the ground
And yet you still call yourself king
Well, I’ll bow as low as I can go
Hurricanes and lukewarm soup
These are the things I think of when I think of you
Insect wings and brittle bones
These are the things I think of when I’m left alone
I go slowly you went quick
Mama pushed you down the river in her favorite basket
And I can’t stand still
No I just can’t seem to stand still
But I can’t stop waiting, waiting
|
||||
2. |
||||
You grew out your hair
And you no longer look like child
But your hands still seem the same
So I just hold on to that fact for a little while more
You seem like you’re doing ok
And I seem so too
But I wonder when you look at me
Are you seeing the same child inside
That I’m seeing in you
I don’t think I loved you
I think our skins just fit
But maybe baby
Maybe that’s half of it
We broke everything
’til eventually we were bound to break each other
As you tell me about all your plans
I realize you’re starting to look like your father
I didn’t even notice
That for two whole years I’ve been holding my breath
I want to tell you how I fell in love with the whole world in that time
Is that a sentiment you can even get, even get
I don’t think I loved you
I think our skins just fit
But maybe baby
Maybe that’s half of it
And I cry for who we were
Just children with concaves inside their chests
Convinced that they could fill each other up
We grew until we split in two
And now I find I exhale at last
I hear myself say thank you, thank you
And I wish you the best
You walk away, I start to think
How can I make this beautiful
You walk away, I start to sing
My words are the water and I let my body be the hull of a boat
I float above it all
All that we left here to decay, to decay
I float, I float above it all
Where do I start, what do I say, what do I say
I say
You grew out your hair
And you no longer look like child
But your hands still seem the same
So I just hold on to that for a little while
|
||||
3. |
toesteethtongue
05:00
|
|||
toes, teeth and tongue
The things I gave you when I was too young
You told me that you were mine
I told you I was yours
We told each other too many things
I swelled inside
But then you punctured me and you tried
To tell me that you were done
I told you I was fun
You said, no, you’re so many things
How can I go on without you (x3)
How can I go on
I guess I’ll just have to
We were girls with simple names
I was a wildfire to your quiet flame
But I could see in your irises
The kindest, the quietest of fears
That I’d burn you up
I found you braiding her hair
She was a pond with the calmest of stares
You told me she just made sense to you
But the difference was
Your tongue always tripped on her name
I hope you hold vigil for me on her shores
I hope my name floats from your tongue at her door
Oh I hope that she drowns ‘til you can’t burn no more
I hope you hold vigil
For what I’m not sure
I’m haggard ember and ash
Longing for a love that has long since passed
Maybe I’ll learn something new
For something to do
Instead of wasting my days in the dust
I think I’ve forgiven you
Who could blame you for falling for a beauty in blue
But I can’t pretend anymore
Not to know what I’m for
I have to burn and burn
I must
Bring me your kindling
I’ll give you a show
I may be tired but there’s one thing I know
That fire is fire and it’s charred me to the bone
But it’s my mine, yes it’s mine
Always mine, always mine
Yes it’s mine, yes it’s mine
Always mine, always mine
Yes it’s mine, yes it’s mine
Always mine
and mine alone
|
||||
4. |
Weeping Mother's Song
06:56
|
|||
So if by the time you wake up
I am gone
Don’t try to find a reason
Just move on
I know you couldn’t handle the truth
So I’ve decided to stop taking up the space
That I took up in you
The pressure keeps on building in my head
So I try to focus on the hands and words
Pulling me oh pulling me, to the bed frame
And then trapping me in like a
Cage for a bird
Then I start to feel empty
So you fill me up
‘cause I cannot stand feeling hollow
But I don’t need to be in love
So if by the time you wake up
I am gone
Don’t try to find a reason
Just move on
I know you couldn’t handle the truth
So I’ve decided to stop taking up the space
That I took up in you
Our son screams for you
But you are stuck in a trance
How could I have been so stupid to expect to
Steal the dancer away from the dance
one, two, three, four, five, six
So you try to fill me up
With words and conversation
Cacophonic slurs
That mean something to you
But then you leave and I am left here
To clean them all up
And they stick to my skin
And remind me of you
But what if by the time we wake up
He has grown
Into a man who lives life filling up
Girls who feel alone
Every lullaby and vulnerable night
Will be a weeping mother’s song
I thought that if I loved enough
What I loved would be good
I guess I never could expect him
To not take up the same space
Where you stood
I thought that if I loved enough
What I loved would be good
I guess I never could expect him
To not take up the same space
Where you stood
|
||||
5. |
Somber Silence
04:36
|
|||
This is the sound of somber silence
I can’t stand a man’s touch
Due to a choice made
Under your blurred vision
I’m incapable of loving like a human must
I can’t stop and I can’t go
I can’t go on, I can’t go on
Is this what you wanted
Is this what you wanted
Wanted from me, wanted from me, wanted from me
The lake’s filled with water
And I’m filled with blue
You’re laying crooked like you wanted to
I can’t stop and I can’t go
I can’t go on, I can’t go on
I can’t go on
I can’t go on
I am bird calls
You are a falconer with just one hand
You cry for a lamppost
I cry for things I don’t understand
I can’t stop and I can’t go
I can’t go on, I can’t go on
Is this what you wanted
Is this what you wanted
Wanted from me, wanted from me, wanted from me
The lake’s filled with water and I’m filled with blue
You’re laying crooked like you wanted to
I can’t stop and I can’t go
I can’t go on, I can’t go on
I can’t go on
I am dust
And I am beak
And I hold the braid
I’ve been touched
But I’m not weak
I’ll cut hair by hair
’til you go away
I can’t stop and I can’t go
I can’t go on, I can’t go on
Is this what you wanted
Is this what you wanted
Wanted from me, wanted from me, wanted from me
The lake’s filled with water
And I’m filled with red
You’re laying crooked just like you said you would
I can’t stop and I can’t go
I can’t go on, I will go on
I will go on
I will go on
This is the sound of somber silence
|
||||
6. |
||||
I’ve got a girl
A girl that’s only half mine
She’s got a foot in the underworld
And foot racing just to keep time
With mine, with mine, with mine
She had a love
A love that died long ago
He took a piece of her with him
I’ll never forgive him
He took the love you’d die for
That I wanted to know
I wanted to know, I wanted to know
I wanted to know
So let’s go to sleep with weary eyes
And if we don’t wake up in the morn
We’ll know that we passed boldly, fearless,
Full of glory rather than life whittling us down until we’re worn
Can you hear them too
Or at least can you feel the faintest touch
If I opened up the door
I’d see the home of dead
A world made of dust, made of dust, made of dust
So I’ll just look out the window
And watch the snow start to fall
I hear it falling faintly
And I feel it faintly falling
On the homes, on the graves of us
All of us, all of us, all of us, all
So let’s go to sleep with weary eyes
And if we don’t wake up in the morn
We’ll know that we passed boldly, fearless,
Full of glory rather than life whittling us down until we’re worn
|
||||
7. |
||||
Youth is like a loose tooth
And I hold oceans inside me
But I decided to give you the kitchen sink instead
There’s boys and girls who hold my tongue
In between their teeth
And it’s lovely
At first, until the silence starts to fill your head
But oh, what could I have done
He holds me so close
And I know it should mean something
But I go numb
I go numb
The lines within his face feel like coming undone
But maybe I, maybe I’m
Just coming of age
And your parents showed you a love that just won’t keep
And there’s only certain melodies
To coax you out of your damp dark cage
But oh, what could I have done
He holds me so close
And I know it should mean something
But I go numb
I go numb
I will no longer lie
I will no longer lust
I will no longer cry
I will no longer trust
(Repeat)
Secret’s sewn into the seam
Fill you with dread
And you can’t spit out the fact that
The couple sleeps on separate sides of the bed
(Repeat)
Oh, what could I have done
He holds me so close
And I know it should mean something
But I go numb
I go numb
Age is just eye sockets and sore gums
And I hold whole galaxies inside of me
And I will let you see inside of me
But they’re mine to keep
Inside of me
|
||||
8. |
Indigo
05:35
|
|||
Meet me under the covered bridge
Let’s fall in love
No, not the cliche
More of a hearsay
I’ve heard it doesn’t hurt too much
Let’s have a baby boy
Let’s name him Indigo
Sure it’s different
But I’ve already started to show
But what if one day we wake up
And years have gone by?
What if one day
I forget how to cry?
Well we’ll just move on
You grow out your beard
And I grow out my mane
We don’t look any different
But we’ve already started to change
We grow in the gravel
We take each other’s youth
but it doesn’t really matter
Cause we’re just searching for truth
Not faces baby smooth
What if one day we wake up
And years have gone by?
What if one day I forget
That when I was young I knew how to fly?
Well we’ll just move on
Though these days I can’t remember why
Days and days
The body becomes the cage
Days and days, days and days
The body becomes the cage
You’ve started sleeping on the couch
We live in a city we once talked of burning down
Indigo’s grown
And he lives in a house
We talk once a week
But I’ve already started to forget
The shape of his mouth
But what if one day we wake up
And have nothing left to say?
Don’t worry just meet me by the bridge
And love me for just the day
Love me just for a day
|
||||
9. |
Shallow Pond
06:04
|
|||
I paint my eyes black
Let my heart go slack
And then I go dancing
Until my feet bleed
I lie in the cold dark
Waiting for a hint of a spark
Fumbling numbly with strangers
Praying for reprieve
Cuz there’s a thought that lingers in me
That I just can’t shake
It keeps me up at night
Kissing my eyelids ’til I’m wide awake
I let you in
I let you in
I let you in
Now how the hell am I supposed to let you out?
I am a cave longing for a day in the sun
I am a loose tooth in love with the gum
Rip me out before I rot us both
And I know
That you will forget me
And one day you’ll find
A picture, or maybe a limb I left behind
And you’ll take a moment
To remember my name
And that day I know something inside will die
But there’s a realization I have made
That I just can’t hide from
There is a space
There is a space
That I have made for you
So deep inside my chest
You tell me she’s lovely
I can feel that she is
I hope she’s a typhoon
Who can make you resist
The urge to love a shallow pond
Cuz I was an ocean of sharp rocks and debris
I left you bruised I gnawed on you between starving teeth
Yet you managed to cradle my depths
And there’s a thought I have
That leaves me gasping for air
And all I wanna do is tell you
But you’re not here
I love you so
I love you so
So I let you go
And maybe one day
We can find yesterday again
Let’s just find yesterday again
Can we find yesterday again?
Will we find yesterday again?
|
||||
10. |
Chopping Block
04:34
|
|||
I’m gonna leave you here
On the chopping block
All you’ll get from me is the detached compassion
That I let your corpse get a tan
I wish I was a windswept girl
All blonde thin-limbed and effortless
But I’m effort
And I’m full like a tree trunk
Pushing its way through the earth
And I’ve been told that I say too much
That I’m either a glutton or I’m gaunt
Well I’ll just sing some la-di-das for you
If nonsense is what you all want
la-di-da, la-di-da, la-di-da, la-di-da
I like a lazy lie and a lazy lay
In the afternoon on a hot summers day
But if you ask me, I’ll fib all glib and calm
And say
Lights off, socks on
I wish I was a woman king
But I’m not
I traded my childhood for this
And all that I got
Was a brick wall between me and you
Made slick with pretty poems
So you can never get through
I say too much
I’m a glutton or I’m gaunt
Well I’ll just sing some pretty la-di-das for you
Cause pretty’s been slapped on my knuckles
And pretty is what I’ve been taught
I was a prophet once
All ruddy-cheeked
Writing infant hymnals
That could make the world weep
Now I’m a lion in a zoo
Just pissing myself
Hoping I can roar right for you
Roar
So please just leave me here
Sucked dry of every metaphor
And when the curtain closes
Let’s hope that neither of us notices that
That’s what you’re leaving for
La-di-da, la-di-da
|
Lila Blue New York, New York
LILA BLUE (they/she) is a 23 year old non-binary and queer folk musician, singer-songwriter, playwright and performer based out of Brooklyn. Their projects navigate themes of grief, joy, intergenerational trauma, rage, queerness and collisions with divine and haunted spirits, stemming from their own intuitive practices. They've released 3 LP’s, 2 EP’s, with LP 4, SWEET PEA, arriving 11/10/23 ... more
Streaming and Download help
If you like Lila Blue, you may also like:
Bandcamp Daily your guide to the world of Bandcamp