1. |
A Song for Leaving
03:53
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I will recall
The sand, sea, and salt
I’ll never forget the sweat pooling in your sternum
I will recall
The fires and fault lines
That shook our shoulders gently
Kissed our lips until they burned them
I think I will miss things
And I think that’s important
The missing brings breaking
Well, my breaking’s been dormant
So I’ll lean into the ache
And I will wish for more
I will recall it all
And then I will close the door
When the smoke came
From the town over
And everything we knew
Was on the precipice of flames
I drove away in the night
and realized I need you
and I’m not as unsentimental
as I have always claimed
I thought about the things
I had to leave behind
And everything seemed special
And worthless all at once
As the road wound round
I let myself unwind
Into all of the missing inside of who I’d become
But will you walk with me
Through that door
You don’t have to latch it
You can always go back to before
But will you walk with me
Away from the warmth of home
Into that voluntary ache
Of learning to leave the known
I will recall
All of it
Though many say that’s a thankless act
That cannot be done
I will recall
All that I can
Until there’s not a single thread left to be unspun
I know I will miss things
And I know that’s important
And I’ll walk through streets
Passing people missing just as much
And I’ll walk to a building
Knock on its unknown door
But know behind it
Inside is your familiar touch
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2. |
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I sing to empty rooms
Praying you’re inside them
I open each window and door
Though you don’t come, it lets the light in
And as the light dies
The night always comes
And I am alone
I was scared to bury or bore you
And now to most it wouldn’t matter much
But now that you have gone
I still wonder what made you flee my touch
When I do sleep
I do not dream anymore
I wail into the walls of the house we built
Only the spiders move
I’ve become stone I’ve become still
And still I don’t blame you
No I’d never blame you
And I never will
I’ve learned to live alone
And I’ve learned to lose you
But no matter how hard I try
I hope you’ll find me worth coming back to
I turn the porch light on
And sing my simple song
And I just wait
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3. |
Not Yet
03:47
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There’s a mountain with graves dug on one side
And the river that runs by it is full of ghosts
Last night I held vigil by their bodies and held their hands
They started screaming ‘cause there wasn’t enough of me to hold
We’ve been given seven paths by seven sons
I can hear them fighting in the streets
Saying that theirs is the right one to walk down
And if you don’t their god will wail forever so you never sleep
I’ve been dreaming about dancing in a crowded room
drenching myself in another’s sweat
I know this dream is something that we cannot do
Not yet, not yet
There’s a taxidermy dog above a fireplace
Wondering if tonight her owner’s had enough to drink
She watches him go to kneel before something he calls god
She wonders if she’s the only one listening to him pray
There’s a mountain with graves dug on one side
On the other the people go about their days
It is painful, tender, messy, and kind
The ghosts tell me if they could go back they wouldn’t have it any other way
The ghosts tell me if they could go back they wouldn’t have it any other way
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4. |
A Wide Space
03:39
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I find when I’m sleeping
I feel a faceless touch
You know, I wish that you knew me
I wish you didn’t know so much
I crave for a blooming
That lingers and stays
I crave for my craving
To just go away
I wish for a bloodletting
I wish for a violent kind of hope
I wish for the seed in me that I’ve been smothering for so long
The time to grow
The time to grow
The only thing that I have
Left in this world is you
I wish I could say there’s more
I wish it wasn’t true
But here I am still rocking
A memory to sleep
I can almost hear it crying
Though it never wails for me
I wish I was a wide, wide space
That people longed to run to
I wish that the things I know would let me go
Maybe then I could go too
I could go too
You are all looking towards something
I wonder what it is you see
I am looking right at you
Will you ever see me?
At night I walk down your hallways
And I straighten the frames
Of the portraits on the walls
Who do not know my name
All I ask is for a room to stay
But I wish for a dream where I am known
To the hand that stretches out to caress
These old broken-down bones
Broken down
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Lila Blue New York, New York
LILA BLUE (they/she) is a 23 year old non-binary and queer folk musician, singer-songwriter, playwright and performer based out of Brooklyn. Their projects navigate themes of grief, joy, intergenerational trauma, rage, queerness and collisions with divine and haunted spirits, stemming from their own intuitive practices. They've released 3 LP’s, 2 EP’s, with LP 4, SWEET PEA, arriving 11/10/23 ... more
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