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Leave Me Be

by Lila Blue

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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Comes in a 4 panel eco-pack with beautiful photography by Emily Sevin and art design by Steve Lomprey. Vinyl sticker included!

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    Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Signed on CD cover, 4 panel digipak, screened CD. Beautiful photography by Emily Sevin, art design by Steve Lomprey. Includes complimentary vinyl sticker.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Leave Me Be via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

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1.
(Spoken) Baby, baby Can’t you see That the reaper, the reaper is coming for me Locked the windows, locked the doors But in the morning, I ain’t gonna be here no more Baby, baby I can’t stay I know that I’ve sinned And now I’ve got a price to pay I changed our name and I changed our locks But I gotta go when the reaper talks **** There’s a braid attached at every root I’m gonna cut each one just to get away from you The earth will turn an autumn red I’ll walk away shorn and proud This is contraband, this doesn’t sit right It feels like lying still on a summer’s night The sweat on my skin lets my body do the screeching Hurricanes and lukewarm soup These are the things I think of when I think of you Insect wings and brittle bones These are the things I think of when I’m left alone I go slowly you went quick Mama pushed you down the river in her favorite basket And I can’t stand still But I can’t stop waiting You’re just a little boy stuffed into grown bones Playing with the world until your mama calls you home I wonder if you’ve ever had a single good night of sleep So you make yourself a paper crown, it won’t keep It crumples to the ground And yet you still call yourself king Well, I’ll bow as low as I can go Hurricanes and lukewarm soup These are the things I think of when I think of you Insect wings and brittle bones These are the things I think of when I’m left alone I go slowly you went quick Mama pushed you down the river in her favorite basket And I can’t stand still No I just can’t seem to stand still But I can’t stop waiting, waiting
2.
You grew out your hair And you no longer look like child But your hands still seem the same So I just hold on to that fact for a little while more You seem like you’re doing ok And I seem so too But I wonder when you look at me Are you seeing the same child inside That I’m seeing in you I don’t think I loved you I think our skins just fit But maybe baby Maybe that’s half of it We broke everything ’til eventually we were bound to break each other As you tell me about all your plans I realize you’re starting to look like your father I didn’t even notice That for two whole years I’ve been holding my breath I want to tell you how I fell in love with the whole world in that time Is that a sentiment you can even get, even get I don’t think I loved you I think our skins just fit But maybe baby Maybe that’s half of it And I cry for who we were Just children with concaves inside their chests Convinced that they could fill each other up We grew until we split in two And now I find I exhale at last I hear myself say thank you, thank you And I wish you the best You walk away, I start to think How can I make this beautiful You walk away, I start to sing My words are the water and I let my body be the hull of a boat I float above it all All that we left here to decay, to decay I float, I float above it all Where do I start, what do I say, what do I say I say You grew out your hair And you no longer look like child But your hands still seem the same So I just hold on to that for a little while
3.
toes, teeth and tongue The things I gave you when I was too young You told me that you were mine I told you I was yours We told each other too many things I swelled inside But then you punctured me and you tried To tell me that you were done I told you I was fun You said, no, you’re so many things How can I go on without you (x3) How can I go on I guess I’ll just have to We were girls with simple names I was a wildfire to your quiet flame But I could see in your irises The kindest, the quietest of fears That I’d burn you up I found you braiding her hair She was a pond with the calmest of stares You told me she just made sense to you But the difference was Your tongue always tripped on her name I hope you hold vigil for me on her shores I hope my name floats from your tongue at her door Oh I hope that she drowns ‘til you can’t burn no more I hope you hold vigil For what I’m not sure I’m haggard ember and ash Longing for a love that has long since passed Maybe I’ll learn something new For something to do Instead of wasting my days in the dust I think I’ve forgiven you Who could blame you for falling for a beauty in blue But I can’t pretend anymore Not to know what I’m for I have to burn and burn I must Bring me your kindling I’ll give you a show I may be tired but there’s one thing I know That fire is fire and it’s charred me to the bone But it’s my mine, yes it’s mine Always mine, always mine Yes it’s mine, yes it’s mine Always mine, always mine Yes it’s mine, yes it’s mine Always mine and mine alone
4.
So if by the time you wake up I am gone Don’t try to find a reason Just move on I know you couldn’t handle the truth So I’ve decided to stop taking up the space That I took up in you The pressure keeps on building in my head So I try to focus on the hands and words Pulling me oh pulling me, to the bed frame And then trapping me in like a Cage for a bird Then I start to feel empty So you fill me up ‘cause I cannot stand feeling hollow But I don’t need to be in love So if by the time you wake up I am gone Don’t try to find a reason Just move on I know you couldn’t handle the truth So I’ve decided to stop taking up the space That I took up in you Our son screams for you But you are stuck in a trance How could I have been so stupid to expect to Steal the dancer away from the dance one, two, three, four, five, six So you try to fill me up With words and conversation Cacophonic slurs That mean something to you But then you leave and I am left here To clean them all up And they stick to my skin And remind me of you But what if by the time we wake up He has grown Into a man who lives life filling up Girls who feel alone Every lullaby and vulnerable night Will be a weeping mother’s song I thought that if I loved enough What I loved would be good I guess I never could expect him To not take up the same space Where you stood I thought that if I loved enough What I loved would be good I guess I never could expect him To not take up the same space Where you stood
5.
This is the sound of somber silence I can’t stand a man’s touch Due to a choice made Under your blurred vision I’m incapable of loving like a human must I can’t stop and I can’t go I can’t go on, I can’t go on Is this what you wanted Is this what you wanted Wanted from me, wanted from me, wanted from me The lake’s filled with water And I’m filled with blue You’re laying crooked like you wanted to I can’t stop and I can’t go I can’t go on, I can’t go on I can’t go on I can’t go on I am bird calls You are a falconer with just one hand You cry for a lamppost I cry for things I don’t understand I can’t stop and I can’t go I can’t go on, I can’t go on Is this what you wanted Is this what you wanted Wanted from me, wanted from me, wanted from me The lake’s filled with water and I’m filled with blue You’re laying crooked like you wanted to I can’t stop and I can’t go I can’t go on, I can’t go on I can’t go on I am dust And I am beak And I hold the braid I’ve been touched But I’m not weak I’ll cut hair by hair ’til you go away I can’t stop and I can’t go I can’t go on, I can’t go on Is this what you wanted Is this what you wanted Wanted from me, wanted from me, wanted from me The lake’s filled with water And I’m filled with red You’re laying crooked just like you said you would I can’t stop and I can’t go I can’t go on, I will go on I will go on I will go on This is the sound of somber silence
6.
The Dead 03:39 video
I’ve got a girl A girl that’s only half mine She’s got a foot in the underworld And foot racing just to keep time With mine, with mine, with mine She had a love A love that died long ago He took a piece of her with him I’ll never forgive him He took the love you’d die for That I wanted to know I wanted to know, I wanted to know I wanted to know So let’s go to sleep with weary eyes And if we don’t wake up in the morn We’ll know that we passed boldly, fearless, Full of glory rather than life whittling us down until we’re worn Can you hear them too Or at least can you feel the faintest touch If I opened up the door I’d see the home of dead A world made of dust, made of dust, made of dust So I’ll just look out the window And watch the snow start to fall I hear it falling faintly And I feel it faintly falling On the homes, on the graves of us All of us, all of us, all of us, all So let’s go to sleep with weary eyes And if we don’t wake up in the morn We’ll know that we passed boldly, fearless, Full of glory rather than life whittling us down until we’re worn
7.
Youth is like a loose tooth And I hold oceans inside me But I decided to give you the kitchen sink instead There’s boys and girls who hold my tongue In between their teeth And it’s lovely At first, until the silence starts to fill your head But oh, what could I have done He holds me so close And I know it should mean something But I go numb I go numb The lines within his face feel like coming undone But maybe I, maybe I’m Just coming of age And your parents showed you a love that just won’t keep And there’s only certain melodies To coax you out of your damp dark cage But oh, what could I have done He holds me so close And I know it should mean something But I go numb I go numb I will no longer lie I will no longer lust I will no longer cry I will no longer trust (Repeat) Secret’s sewn into the seam Fill you with dread And you can’t spit out the fact that The couple sleeps on separate sides of the bed (Repeat) Oh, what could I have done He holds me so close And I know it should mean something But I go numb I go numb Age is just eye sockets and sore gums And I hold whole galaxies inside of me And I will let you see inside of me But they’re mine to keep Inside of me
8.
Indigo 05:35
Meet me under the covered bridge Let’s fall in love No, not the cliche More of a hearsay I’ve heard it doesn’t hurt too much Let’s have a baby boy Let’s name him Indigo Sure it’s different But I’ve already started to show But what if one day we wake up And years have gone by? What if one day I forget how to cry? Well we’ll just move on You grow out your beard And I grow out my mane We don’t look any different But we’ve already started to change We grow in the gravel We take each other’s youth but it doesn’t really matter Cause we’re just searching for truth Not faces baby smooth What if one day we wake up And years have gone by? What if one day I forget That when I was young I knew how to fly? Well we’ll just move on Though these days I can’t remember why Days and days The body becomes the cage Days and days, days and days The body becomes the cage You’ve started sleeping on the couch We live in a city we once talked of burning down Indigo’s grown And he lives in a house We talk once a week But I’ve already started to forget The shape of his mouth But what if one day we wake up And have nothing left to say? Don’t worry just meet me by the bridge And love me for just the day Love me just for a day
9.
Shallow Pond 06:04
I paint my eyes black Let my heart go slack And then I go dancing Until my feet bleed I lie in the cold dark Waiting for a hint of a spark Fumbling numbly with strangers Praying for reprieve Cuz there’s a thought that lingers in me That I just can’t shake It keeps me up at night Kissing my eyelids ’til I’m wide awake I let you in I let you in I let you in Now how the hell am I supposed to let you out? I am a cave longing for a day in the sun I am a loose tooth in love with the gum Rip me out before I rot us both And I know That you will forget me And one day you’ll find A picture, or maybe a limb I left behind And you’ll take a moment To remember my name And that day I know something inside will die But there’s a realization I have made That I just can’t hide from There is a space There is a space That I have made for you So deep inside my chest You tell me she’s lovely I can feel that she is I hope she’s a typhoon Who can make you resist The urge to love a shallow pond Cuz I was an ocean of sharp rocks and debris I left you bruised I gnawed on you between starving teeth Yet you managed to cradle my depths And there’s a thought I have That leaves me gasping for air And all I wanna do is tell you But you’re not here I love you so I love you so So I let you go And maybe one day We can find yesterday again Let’s just find yesterday again Can we find yesterday again? Will we find yesterday again?
10.
I’m gonna leave you here On the chopping block All you’ll get from me is the detached compassion That I let your corpse get a tan I wish I was a windswept girl All blonde thin-limbed and effortless But I’m effort And I’m full like a tree trunk Pushing its way through the earth And I’ve been told that I say too much That I’m either a glutton or I’m gaunt Well I’ll just sing some la-di-das for you If nonsense is what you all want la-di-da, la-di-da, la-di-da, la-di-da I like a lazy lie and a lazy lay In the afternoon on a hot summers day But if you ask me, I’ll fib all glib and calm And say Lights off, socks on I wish I was a woman king But I’m not I traded my childhood for this And all that I got Was a brick wall between me and you Made slick with pretty poems So you can never get through I say too much I’m a glutton or I’m gaunt Well I’ll just sing some pretty la-di-das for you Cause pretty’s been slapped on my knuckles And pretty is what I’ve been taught I was a prophet once All ruddy-cheeked Writing infant hymnals That could make the world weep Now I’m a lion in a zoo Just pissing myself Hoping I can roar right for you Roar So please just leave me here Sucked dry of every metaphor And when the curtain closes Let’s hope that neither of us notices that That’s what you’re leaving for La-di-da, la-di-da

credits

released April 24, 2020

Produced by Lila Blue
Co-producer & Engineer - Samantha Perez

Musicians:
Lila Blue - Vocals, guitars, piano, ukele
Samantha Perez - Bass
Meg Webb - Violin / Piano
Ross Eustis - Trumpet
Andrew Maguire - Drums
James Riotto - Upright Bass/Synth
Ashley Frith - Viola
Peter Mark Kendall - Guitar / Additional Vocals
Crystal Pascucci - Cello
Adam Hirsch - Clarinet
Beth Custer - Clarinet
Spencer Hartling - Additional Percussion and Synth

Recording Studio: Tiny Telephone, San Francisco
Mastered by: Jacob Winik, at Tiny Telephone

Publishing
All songs written by Lila Blue
©℗ 2019 Lila Blue Music / ASCAP

Artwork:
Photography: Emily Sevin
Art Designer: Steve Lomprey

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Lila Blue New York, New York

LILA BLUE (they/she) is a 23 year old non-binary and queer folk musician, singer-songwriter, playwright and performer based out of Brooklyn. Their projects navigate themes of grief, joy, intergenerational trauma, rage, queerness and collisions with divine and haunted spirits, stemming from their own intuitive practices. They've released 3 LP’s, 2 EP’s, with LP 4, SWEET PEA, arriving 11/10/23 ... more

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